PhD in Disastery

It's no secret that I can be a bit of a liability to myself and/or those around me. Below I offer some evidence:

**When I was 14, my toe got caught on the edge of a 3 ring binder as I was doing jazz kicks in my bedroom. To say it broke is an understatement. The sucker was practically at a 90 degree angle, separated from it's kin. I had to wear a cast and use crutches at the beginning of my freshman school year.

**During my senior year I totaled my parents Toyota Camry because I was distracted by an adorable little kitten riding in my lap. The car rolled one and a half times, taking out a tree and a light post before resting upside down. (Yes, the cat survived, only later to be malled by our dogs. Poor cat). The headline in the local newspaper read, "Cat Bite Causes Car Accident." For a quirky girl in an uptight yuppy town, that wasn't embarrassing at all.

**I kicked a wooden clog off my foot and it hit my friend dead center in the head, causing an immediate bump and a near concussion.

**Without realizing how necessary rear-view mirrors are on bikes, I made an abrupt u-turn, putting myself directly in the path of a senior citizen riding his bike. He fell, he skid, he bled; I cried in horror at my stupidity.

**I tipped a near-cripple over in a rocking chair, and though the surgery he subsequently received was already needed, I can't help but wonder if I hastened things along.

**And last but not least in my series of idiotic events, during my family's visit to Costa Rica, I take them to my favorite local beach: Playa Conchal, where the sand is made up of thousands of broken seashells and you can peacefully swim in the calm currents. To get to this beach you must drive across a small estuary. A few of us had driven there just the day before without incident (if I'd paid attention, I would have realized our success was directly related to the fact that is was low tide). As my parents and I pull up to the waters we need to cross, which seem ever so slightly higher than the previous day, we see an older couple waiting in their posh new rental car, afraid to cross. "Lame!" I think, because of course I am a total expert now in traversing rushing rivers in old 4x4s. Those poor scardey-cat tourists. While driving past them to cross at a spot closer to the shore, my dad says, "NIcole! NIcole! Are you sure we can cross this???" Um...duh dad. I've totally got this.

So onward we go, until the top half of my car escapes the waters and makes it up onto the sand bank, while the bottom half is stuck. Within seconds, ocean water begins to FLOOD my car. I grab the manual and hop out as my dad and I bark spastic, frantic orders at each other. In a seriously delayed attempt at sensibleness (because what kind of stupid girl does not figure out how to put her car in four wheel drive before a crisis instead of during?!!) I try to look up 4wd instructions, but my fingers move in slow motion as the tide rises higher. For about 90 seconds, I imagine the thousands of dollars I spent on this run down Tracker flying into the ocean waters and sailing away, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Fortunately, a few Ticos run to our rescue and help me put the car in gear. I hop back in, the engine starts, and within seconds the tires grip the ground as the men push us onto the bank. As a grand finale, I open all the car doors and drive in manic circles so that the water flies out of my vehicle.

By this point, of course, we are all hysterical. Nothing gets the adrenaline going like almost submerging your uninsured car in foreign waters!

Forget the car, I'm the one who needs to be insured!